Crossing The Timeless Bar
Throughout the journey of life, we've all had to face the ups, downs, good, and bad. Question is, which of these emotions have we allowed to control our mindset, and the way we look at life.
Over the years, I have learned that the world will always bring you down, but I have also learned that it can't keep you there. We were all destined to achieve, and succeed in this lifetime. Over the years of my life, I had always written poetry, but I never took the time out to pursue it. It has been embedded deep within my heart to do for a long time, just like my passion to sing. About 15 years ago I wrote this particular poem, and kept it tucked away in an old journal. I remember sitting down, and crying as I wrote it. No one knew about this poem but, me and God. At the time when I had written it, I was going through several hardships, and was facing a state of depression. It seemed to last forever. But, this poem in itself, seemed different than my other pieces of poetry. The name of it was "Crossing The Timeless Bar." I didn't know the reason why I wrote this poem at the time. I just knew the words flowed so perfectly that even my own will couldn't stop the pen. Nevertheless, the trails of life had beckoned me, and I lost thought of it, and lost thought of pursing my dreams. Why should I? The enemy already had me in a pit of depression, where I felt useless, and hopeless to myself, and the world. He didn't stop there. Just within a couple of years the enemy tried to take my life on several occasions. The last time he tried, everyone around me, including myself, thought he had succeed. But, God said "No!" "When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." (Isaiah 43:2 KJV). God's love, and His light filled me so high that all of what the enemy tried to take from me was restored with one touch. The doctors didn't even know what to think. I had been clinically dead. For whatever reason, my throat had closed shut, and I couldn't breathe. This is how I woke up the morning after I had come home from receiving a thyroidectomy. I was petrified. I knew that if I didn't get oxygen it would be over for me soon. Lying there unable to breathe was a horrible feeling. I literally wished myself dead. I couldn't get any air down to my lungs. Everything was cut off. When I tried to breathe in, everything back up at the back of my throat. I had a mass amount of pressure that was going down in my chest, and filling my head like a balloon. Death itself beckoned to me, and called my name. And yet, through it all, the enemy kept screaming in my ear, "You are going to die!!!" You can't go a long time without oxygen, but my experience felt like it went over 30 minutes. Everything else from then on went in slow motion. I remember looking up, and thinking, "God just take me." My brother ran to me, and I recall hearing these last words, "What's wrong, can you breathe?" The next thing I knew I was inside of a tunnel floating up to an illumination. There was total darkness all around me, and I didn't see my body. The only thing I saw was this remarkable light. No sunshine, no candle, or no electricity could fathom the wonder I saw. I remember reaching out with my hands to not even see them. I immediately felt an enormous amount of love and peace. I can assure it was nothing like I have ever experienced before. I thought to myself, it is done, and I'm dead. I was a piece of metal, and He was the magnet, the magnifying light. I was just drawn to His brightness, His peace, and His love. I recall thinking I'm here, and I don't have to worry anymore. Why should I? I was with Him, and I didn't want to leave. He stood by my side filling the empty holes, and all the brokenness within me. He also filled me with what I needed the most. His love. I looked over at Him, and asked Him if I could see my mother. I lost my mother to a massive stroke in 2005. The last thing I remember after that was hearing doctors all around me screaming, "Hurry up, we are going to lose her again!!!" I could feel tears fall from my face, and I remember thinking, "Why!" It was very blurry, but I could see images of people all around. Then a man came up to the side of me, and said, "It's going to be okay, and you are going to be fine." The inside of me was screaming no, no I won't. I went back out again. I woke up on a ventilator strapped to my bed. I also saw that they had my hands and feet tied down. I was coherent, and felt that machine stuffed down my throat into my lungs. It was a very painful experience, but God saw me through it all. I had lost my voice behind the whole matter, and lost all of my dreams to start back singing. They said the ventilator may have played a role, and damage my voice. They told me I probably wouldn't get my voice back to even talk, and that they would send me to a vocal cord specialist later. I cried, and prayed for my voice back. I would see people at church singing, and I would try, but everything was hoarse. I remember thinking how I had sung all the time at church, and I felt the greatest joy when I did. I prayed about it, hoped, and continued to sing with my hoarseness. All I have to say on that is, "But, God!!!" I got my voice back, and it was given to me even stronger than before. "And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you." (Joel 2:25 KJV) Nothing is ever meant to destroy us, but to strengthen us. God will turn around what seemed to be bad, and make it good. I wrote the poem, "My Epiphany", describing the personal experience with God. Soon after that my dream to write resurfaced into my heart again. At the time, I was working as a Phlebotomist, and I tried to squeeze in the time to write. The two didn't work well together. "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:" (Matthew 7:7 KJV). So, I started praying. I prayed to God that He would grant me the opportunity to be able to write again. God answered my prayers, and that door I knocked on soon opened. To make a long story short, I joined a writer's guild, and started presenting my poetry. "Crossing The Timeless Bar", was one of my first pieces to present. I felt in my heart to do so. The feedback was eye opening, and surprising. What surprised me the most about everything is that I was accused by some, for plagiarizing Alfred Lord Tennyson poem, "Crossing The Bar.?" I was emailed on the fact that our poems were so much alike, but I didn't take no thought of the notion behind it. So, I took the beating of being accused of plagiarizing his poem. I never heard of Alfred Lord Tennyson. I always read Robert Frost, Edgar Allan Poe, Shel Silverstein, Dr. Suess, Maya Angelou, and several others. Alfred Lord Tennyson was not one of them. When you read his poem to my poem, you will see a major resemblance. I don't fault anyone for thinking in anyway, but sometimes we can be judgmental to each other by lack of understanding, and not knowing the known. "Crossing The Timeless Bar" is a poem that has been tucked away in my journal for over 15 years, and I refuse to leave it there. When I look back at all the things I went through, I trust God in this. I had even changed up the poem up, and was still accused of copying. Here is Alfred Lord Tennyson "Crossing The Bar." You can see it here below...
My original version of my poem, "Crossing The Timeless Bar"
Crossing The Timeless Bar
The sunset will fall to an evening star soon
With only one clear call for me
And may there be no nightly moon
For me to go out and see
Such as the morning seems to fall asleep
Can hit you hard like rocks
When that which drew you out of the deep
Has no key to open the locks
Twilight and the ring of a summers bell
Then after it, comes the dark
May there be no letters of farewell
When the moon comes out and claims the dark
From out of our bound of time and peace
The road just may take me far
I hope to see my maker face to face
When I cross the timeless bar.
Very similar pieces of poetry. Everyone else thinks the same way. I have respect for Alfred Lord Tennyson poem. Enough respect not to copy his work. I most importantly reverence to God. I also know He knows and loves each of us deeply. He can and will rescue us when we are in trouble. I truly believe that the very One who spoke to me in writing this poem, was also the One who had spoken with Tennyson. All things are possible with God! Not some, but all. "It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." - E. E. Cummings. I choose to ride the clouds dear friends. We should not allow the enemy of fear to kindle the flames of our faith. God is working out a divine plan in us all. "And Jesus answering saith unto them, Have faith in God." (Mark 11:22 KJV). This is only a mere insert to all what happened. I've always heard that "Your test will be your testimony, Your mess will be your message, and Your storm will be your story." Choose now, that you will be the defender, and not the defendant. The victor, and not the victim! I am victorious through Jesus Christ!!!
Have a blessed day dear friends!